The Cross and Simon of Cyrene

Our prayer group met recently to discuss  Jesus carrying his cross and being helped by Simon of Cyrene in Luke 23, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2023%3A26-56&version=NIV.  In our catholic faith, we break down this moment of Jesus carrying his cross into the Stations of the Cross, which serve as moments to pause, pray and reflect what Jesus was feeling, physically, emotionally and spiritually on his way to Calvary.

I frequently use the Jesuit style of prayer to place myself at the scene and be with Jesus in that moment.  Seeing the surroundings, hearing people talk, feeling the heat of the day on my skin, all help me be with Jesus as I try to understand his suffering.

The Fruits of Meditative Prayer

The fruits of this meditation of Jesus carrying his cross seem to be many.    Here are three that come to mind:

Carrying my own cross

I first find myself reflecting on the many crosses I have had to carry, in particular as they relate to cancer and my mortality.  From as far back as having had chemotherapy and surgeries, to the frequent blood draws for lab tests that I now endure on a regular basis to make sure that cancer is not coming back.  My veins used for chemotherapy have become scarred and hard to thread.  I very much dislike the needles, particularly when they can’t get my blood on the first or second tries.  Enduring this physical pain is made easier when I think about Jesus’ death and resurrection.   After all the lashings he suffered by the Romans and then carrying a big piece of wood up a hill in the heat of the day, he rises from the dead to be with the father and to be with us.  It is that consolation that Jesus understands my pain and that he is with me in my times of most need that help me carry my cross.

Abiding in God

Second, there is a consolation to know that Jesus is with me, and this increases my faith in God and helps me look forward to my resurrection and life after my physical death.  Although the challenges have been difficult at times, I have felt Jesus’ presence with me and giving me support during times of suffering.  The temptation is always there to ask, “where are you Lord in this moment of pain,” but the knowledge that Jesus has been with me in other times helps me endure and persevere, even when my prayer seems dry.  I know God loves me very much, does not like seeing me in pain, and desires what is best for me. These moments of consolation have touched my heart and made me feel God’s love for me.  In return, I humbly abide by God more closely.

As I acknowledge that I need to have frequent medical appointments and tests to stay on top of my cancer, I accept humbly this path and allow Jesus to help me be meek.  In being meek, I accept three realities:  I realize that God knows what is best for me; I am open minded to God’s divine providence; and I have faith that God will save me.  This knowledge, this grace, that God infuses in me helps me bind to God so we can become one with the son and the Holy Spirit.  This bond gives me comfort as I feel God’s love and peace.

Mortifying my senses

And finally, as I look at these gifts in contemplating Jesus’ way of the cross, I acknowledge and feel this physical pain which helps me mortify my senses.  No easy feat and I do not claim to be perfect at it, this mortification helps me deny myself as I look to God to fill my vessel with God’s love.  I acknowledge the pain and accept it.  However, I do my best to not become overanxious as I lean on Jesus and ask for strength and quiet perseverance.

I often think of St. John of the Cross and his poem, The Living Flame of Love, where he sings from his heart the cautery from God that purifies his soul and then allows the love of God to fill him.  This mortification paves the way for preparing my soul to be holy so that I may some day become one with God, just as Jesus states in John 14:23, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2014%3A23&version=NIV, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching.  My father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.”

Who is your Simon of Cyrene?

So, who is Simon of Cyrene for me?  My wife Anne has been there all along, since my initial diagnosis of cancer and through all my tests and medical follow ups.  When I have been weak from surgeries or hospitalizations, she has fed me, bathed me and dressed me.  When I have felt down or disillusioned, she has given me a shoulder to cry on or has given me words of wisdom and strength to help me stand up one more time.  It has been God’s love flowing through her that has helped me.  When I have felt desolate, she has come in to carry my cross and give me relief.  Then, as I regain my strength and stand up straight, I hear God say to me one more time, “John, you are my beloved son with whom I am well pleased.”  I know God cares for me and loves me through the care I receive from others.  I rest at this point and just simply bask in God’s love.

Thank you, Lord, for loving me, for being with me.  Thank you, Lord, for giving me an opportunity to be with Anne and for helping us be one with you. Your son Jesus sets an example for me to follow so that I can be one with your Holy Trinity. Nothing would give me more joy than to know that I can abide by you and have you put your arm around me as we walk together in my journey.  Amen.